oneyellowbird.

I don't even know where to start. I have pictures for almost everything I'm about to post, but none of them will upload on my limited, slow Internet connection. Oh, well. Be imaginative. :)
We arrived in Reheboth over a week ago (after being awake for 67 hours straight. My longest stretch yet.). Our first two days here were full of learning and touring this little town. What a full history it has: full of complication and pain and bitterness. Reheboth is home to the Bastar people group. I think I wrote this earlier, but they are the result of German and Namibian unions - generally rape or one night stands during the war. They have lighter skin than the rest of Namibia. Lighter skin usually is a sign of wealth or prominence. But that is not the case for the Bastars (originally called "Bastards" by the Germans, but Africanz doesn't pronounce the "d"). They are considered to be mixed with enemy blood by the rest of Namibia, so their whole town is shamed. However, local racism is a very different matter. Here, the Namibians support the Germans because they are their ancestors. Those of lighter skin look down on those of darker skin...but ONLY locally. It's interesting and confusing to me, but the roots of bitterness that have grown are evident on every face and in every school.
Anyway, the first weekend we spent in Namibia, we went south near the border of South Africa for a camp called NamRock. At the camp we met mostly South Africans, who were friendly and cordial, though some were put off by our nationality (can I just say, because I haven't been able to say it for a while, I LOVE America. I really do.) When we were introduced to the group as "The Americans" and Natasha was asked to pray for the meal, one of the girls raised her hand in a German salute and said "Hail Hitler". Now, you can only imagine what that did in the hearts of our Rehebothan (I refuse to call them Bastars) friends! Oh, how the enemy has divided God's people throughout history! Thank God, there was no hard feelings over the issue, but it did open my eyes to see how America is view by others.
At the camp we got to know those who we will be working with in ministry. We hiked up a mountain every morning at 5 am and crested just in time to have worship at sunrise. It was breath-taking. God has drawn me so near to Himself through that time in nature. Natasha and I also slept outside under the incredible stars on night (so, I only lasted part of the night because it was freezing. About 30 degrees. We woke with frost on our pillows and frozen sleeping bags. We all have colds. But the stars were worth it.) Our combi was stopped on the way because there was a herd of zebras in the way! Seriously. Zebras! We also saw baboon and giraffes. I think God was just showing off.
Back in Reheboth, we moved into the house where we are all now staying. Together. What a wonderful thing (most of the time, at least. Haahaa). We are also learning to cook Namibian food, which involves a lot of curry (YUMM!) as well as keeping some of our American favorites, like the classic PBJ.
We have each now been assigned to a school to teach in for the remainder of our time. Bethany, Natasha and Tricia to primary (elementary) schools, and Jason, Alex and I to high schools. I'm shocked by the needs in the schools. I asked the principal at the school I will be starting at on Monday what the main struggles were among the students. She said alcoholism, homosexuality, suicide, and satanism. I was so unprepared for that and even began to doubt how bad it could really be.
Until she told me her niece set herself on first and burned to death. At school. Last week.
I don't even know where to start. This is a Christian government school. They pray every morning and have religious and moral studies classes (what I'm teaching, primarily). But Satan has such a tight grip on the youth in this town. They fall into depression because the town is so small people rarely move away and yet there is nothing but poverty and alcohol here. Please be praying for me and my students. Only God can change a thing.
Today we had a day off, so we called up the Rineers (a missionary family from Canada in Windhouk, about and hour north of Reheboth. Their pic is in an earlier post) and asked if they had any needs we could help with. They connected us with a school in Katatura. I wrote about this place in an earlier post. Very interesting and heart-breaking. The school is for children who are too poor to go to school or missed a few years for some reason. They try to catch them back up so they can join the government schools again in high school. I though it would be 14 year-olds in 6th grade or something. No. I spent my day teaching young men about my age to subtract fractions and mixed numbers. Oh, how blessed we are by our Lord to have education. They haven o future without it, and very little hope to attain it.
So that has been my outside world. Crazy, busy, overwhelming...but NOTHING compared to what God is doing in me right now. Seriously. I have come to a crisis of faith in my life. I'm realizing too much about how contaminated by Christianity (organized religion, tradition, etc) my faith has been. Now, Christianity is not a bad thing by any means, but it's not something I'm willing to defend any more. Let me try to explain myself before you get the stake and wood :)
I have built up for myself a set of doctrines. Think of it like a bookshelf. On it, I have placed God - the pieces of Him I know, what I know about Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I have organized my God around my shelf, the structure of my faith. About a week and a half ago, God took my bookshelf, turned it face down and shook it. I realized that doctrine is not the answer, nor is it God. All my theologies and other Christian ologies that I have studied at Moody have become the pillars - the shelves - of my faith. "You shall have no other gods before me". I have, though. I have only known my "ologies" and not my Jesus. And now, God's dumped it out. And it's a mess.
Okay, I know that might not make too much sense to many of you, but its revolutionary in me. I JUST learned (I'm a late bloomer, I know) that my faith has been gravely affected by our modern culture(and I thought I was going to Africa to show Africans how their culture has affected their view of God and convince them to take on my contaminated view.). Take how we think of God being in "control". Now, when we say that, we think of a machine being meticulously set and ordered to bring about the perfect result every time. But in Bible times, the only things that being "in control" referred to was a man and his donkey, a mother and her children or a king and his subjects - much more relational than a machine. We like doctrine because we like formulas in the modern world. We like order. Maybe too much.
So, there it is. All on the floor with all the mess that I don't understand and the unnerving feeling that I might become a heretic or loose my faith without the structure I'm used to. I wished it would all go back to the placed I put it so long ago; where it was comfortable and complacent. But I'm not feeling that way anymore. I guess, while its out, I'll pick through it. I might as well search through what pieces of God I've put on the shelf of my faith for so long. Who knows, maybe I'll put it all back right where it was, only to be more confident in my decision. Or maybe, just maybe, I'll discover some long-forgotten favorites and discover some new territory.
I'm afraid and uncertain, but I've decided to adventure with my Jesus. I don't know where it will lead me, all I ask is that I'm with Him. And THAT is one thing I can re-shelf.
"Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so"
Amy