The Girl in the Yellow Dress.

I remember her still, the girl in the yellow dress.

She was sitting in the corridor of the HAFF medical clinic in Pingion, Haiti. The day I saw her was one of the few days the clinic was open. She was sitting in the dust, caressing her mama's hand as they waited to see the eye doctor. Her swollen tummy told me she had worms. Her yellow hair told me she was poor. Jesus told me she was His.

I remember she drew in the dust with her pointer finger. I didn't know what she wrote. I doubt she did either. But I remember her dirty nails gave me a pain in my stomach as I thought about the pedicure I promised myself upon returning home. It was to be my reward for being such a good person and going to people like her. I'm so ashamed.

I don't know what brought her to my thoughts tonight. Was it the book I'm reading about a little African girl? Was it the sermon tonight on finding a wonderful life like the movie? Was it watching the little ones open their first present of Christmas tonight? Actually, I think it's my stomach. I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner, and many times in between. I think the sugar of my third cookie is getting to me. It think it's getting to my heart.

I found out today(in the book I'm reading, Scared. Read it.) that it costs about seven cents to feed a child a meal in central Africa . Seven. Cents. I did the math in my head. I could feed about seventy children or buy a latte. Mostly, I buy lattes.

So what for tonight? And for tomorrow? I was told that I'm ruining Christmas by my pessimism. Sorry if I am.

Or am I? Sorry, that is.

I don't think I am and I take it back. I want to ruin the Christmas I know. A Christmas of consumerism and gluttony. That I want ruined.

Jesus? Not in the world. Not for the world. I want Him. Need Him. That I can't ruin, even if devoted to it.

So, I don't know what to do. I really don't. I want to be happy, but the tears keep coming. I want to smile and open packages of things I don't need, but I can't seem to forget. Because the girl in the yellow dress is dead and I didn't do a thing to change that.

I remember her still, the girl in the yellow dress. I hope I never forget.