Hannah is a Sinker

I'm not big on New Year's resolutions. Maybe it's that I can't keep them more than two weeks and I'm tired of failing myself. Maybe I'm just making resolutions of a different name. Either way, I've decided to enter this year remembering a teachable moment.

I'm teaching swimming lessons this week. I have a lot of a great students, and from the sinkers to the swimmers, I love them. They are precious to me. Mostly because I have learned so much from them. Hannah is one of them. Hannah is four. Hannah is a sinker. Hannah hates back floats.

In a back float, I have Hannah lay her head down on my shoulder while I support her body by holding her back. All she has to do is lay there and keep her arms and legs still. Alas, this is much more difficult for her than one would suspect. Hannah flails and I want to scream. She claws at my neck and arms, trying to roll over onto her stomach. She climbs up me like a monkey in a tree, wanting to perch on my head out of the treacherous water. Thankfully, Hannah's getting better. I'm relieved. She will now lay on the water for about five seconds.

Thursday, we ventured to the deep end in a back float. I was losing patience and my arms were losing skin. As I tried to keep Hannah on her back and in the water, she kept saying, "no, no, I don't like back floats. I'm afraid!"

"Hannah what are you afraid of?"

"I don't know where I'm going!"

"Hannah, you don't need to know where you're going. You just need to know that you're with me!"

My words came like a slap in the face. I heard my Savior's smile and felt Him nod in agreement. Because that's me. And that's Him.

If you've followed my blog at all, you will have noticed a pattern of fear in my writing. I'm so afraid. Afraid of the future. Afraid of the past. Afraid of persecution. Afraid of failing. Afraid of dying. But mostly, afraid of the future.

"Amy, you don't need to know where you're going. You just need to know that you're with Me!"

And I am. I'm with Him. I believe that when He says that if I confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in my heart that God raised Him from the dead that I will be saved. I believe I have His Holy Spirit in me, alive and active. Just like His Word.

I am. I'm with Him.

So, here's to this new year.

Two thousand and ten, I don't know what you hold. No, I don't know where I'm going and I don't know what you'll bring. I can't see and I am afraid. But I know this, I'm coming to you with my Jesus. If you give me your best, it's His. If you give me your worst, it's His.

Because I'm His.