What I Don't Believe.

I don't live what I believe. Wait, no. I don't believe what I say, otherwise I would live it, right? I'm overwhelmed this morning by Your Truth. That we have been united. That all that is Yours is mine, and all that is mine is Yours. Union with Christ, Dr. Johnson said, is the epicenter of salvation. I don't think I've ever articulated such a thing before. Help me believe. Help my unbelief.



I wrote this email to my dear friend, Renee. We worked together at Comfort Suites when I was in high school, and we email back and forth on occasion. She asks about God and answer her. This is an email I wrote her. This is what I said I believe:

Renee, it makes me really excited to answer your question, "Do you think there's hope for me yet?" Oh, Renee... YES! YES THERE IS HOPE! And you don't have to wonder if you'll somehow make it. You don't have to go through life hoping that when you die you will go to heaven. This isn't "hope" like a wishful thought. It's a real hope. It's hope out of a disaster! Hope out of despair! Renee, do you want to know if God has saved you? Do you want to know if you are one of those He has chosen to live with Him forever? There's only one way to know: receive Him as your Savior. Then you will know for certain that He HAS appointed you! When you have done that you are unified with Him forever! Oh, Renee, I wish I was there right now so that I could explain how wonderful this is to you in person. But picture it like this: it's like a marriage (well, maybe more like sex, not just marriage...strange, I know, but bear with me here). When Christ is your Lord and Savior, there is an inner penetration; He is in you and you are in Him! And, like marriage, everything is is yours (sin, shame, death, guilt, loneliness) is His, and everything that is His (life, righteousness, freedom, holiness, eternal life) is yours! You can be unified with Him in such a way that He takes all of you and you take all of Him (we get the better end of the deal, don't we!) Picture this: you standing before God. Black and full of sin. And before you is standing Christ. White and holy and pure and righteous. When you are united with Him by His grace through faith, it's like the two of you are united. Picture all the black that filled you seeping out and filling Him and all His pure white seeping out and filling you. Horrible feeling, isn't it. But here's the thing. When He rose from the dead, He overcame that death and black muck that filled you. He can take it because He will still be white because He IS the white! He IS purity! He IS righteousness! And He fills you with all of that. Oh, because He loves you, Renee. He loves you so much!

Whew....I know that's a lot. But it's TRUE! Do I think there is hope for you? Oh, do I ever!! That is yours! Take. Receive. Be purified!

It's nice and all. And yes, I would say I believe it. But if I really did, would I doubt my salvation so much? Would I have such flagging disregard for my sin? Would I wave my hand in indifference at my pride and selfishness and bitterness and envy and judgmental attitude? No...I can't imagine I would.

So, what do I really believe? I posed this question to the girls on my floor by posting a sign by the elevator. Just to encourage them, you know. Like a good RA should. I asked: What do you believe? No, not what does MBI believe. No, not what do you say you believe. What do you really believe? If your life could write a book of your theology by looking at your actions, the convictions you live out every day, what would it say? Would it point to YAHWEH? Or would you call it heresy? When you look in the mirror, do you really believe God's creation if fearfully and wonderfully made? Or do You think He makes imperfect things, bad things, crude things, mistakes? What sermon does your life preach? What do you believe?

I can't tell you. I wish I knew.