A Weary Spirit and a Wedding.

I haven’t written in a while. And it’s sad, really. My spirit is longing to write. There are words and prose and feelings mingling in my heart, churning in my chest and pressing off my fingertips. Finally.

This past weekend I had the privilege of standing up with one of my best friends as she said “I do” to hers. Bethany Jackson, often referenced in many a funny story and many a teachable moment on this blog, became Mrs. Chris Gioielli. My friend, Steph, and I left Thursday afternoon and flew to North Carolina. We helped with minor wedding preparations and talked. You know, there’s something profound that happens the weekend before a wedding. When the programs are being assembled and the name cards are being folded, something happens. Talk happens. Hearts meet hearts on the table there. Somewhere between the ribbon and the tape and the scissors and the neatly printed pages waiting for a place to belong, spirits are revealed and relished and refreshed. At least mine was.

My favorite thing about this weekend was that I was with people who know me. Jamie and Bethany know me so well. I don’t have to use disclaimers. I don’t have to restate for clarification. I don’t have to hide behind shallow questions. They know me. And being known allows me to speak freely. I feel heard by them and cherished by them.

The wedding on Sunday was a beautiful union. The Gospel was preached in word and through their relationship. It was just beautiful.

I left for the wedding weary. I came back tired. But not quite so weary.

Since being back, my spirit has had a lot to think about. I’m learning that I need more time and space for reflection and prayer and the Word than many people. This isn’t a super spiritual thing. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. In order to function well, I need frequent retreats into silence and solitude. Otherwise I don’t love well or serve well. in fact, I don’t love or serve at all. But when I come away for a while, when I get alone in the quiet with my Jesus, I remember who I am because I remember who He is. I remember my union with Him. I remember that in Christ’s death, I died. In Christ’s burial, I was buried. In His resurrection, I rose again. And in His life I now live. And then I can live.

[It’s amazing to me how union with Christ is the central element of the Gospel. Have I harped on Union with Christ enough? Is that even possible?]

Today I’ve had an incredible intake of Christian teaching. I have heard five sermons today. I attended two preaching classes, both which had two students preaching back to back, and a sermon chapel. And tonight took in three hours of Romans class. This day was like drinking out of a spiritual fire hydrant. I thought that’d be a good thing. Right? So much water, so much potential. But too much water and you can barely sip. And if you can drink, too much water makes you sick anyway.

And that’s where I am today. I’ve been listening all day. Taking in all day. And now I need to pull away and be. I need to think. I need to live. I need to be.

So tonight I’m a bit spiritually bloated and I can’t take in one more bite. I need that pulling away, I need that time and space and time, to remember who I am. That way I can recall why in the world I sit through all this teaching. Because when we remember that we’re united with Christ, we remember that’s worth seeking and learning and growing. Even for three hours in Romans class.