Haven't been Home for a While.

The week was slow. The drive was long. But finally, I'm home.

Home is sweet, yes. But more than that. There's a profound familiarity here, and something sacred about it. Something about this fireplace and the brick hearth where I've spent so many late nights; something about this Christmas tree with those ornaments that I made when I was five; something about this sister, Alissa, in her chair watching her Grey's Anatomy episode; something about the smell of Iowa snow on our hibernating harvest fields.

I'm at home here, and to be honest, I haven't been for a while. It's been a long season of trying and searching and waiting and questioning and fighting and wrestling and, well, not being at home between these four walls. It's been as if my spirit has been wandering in the cold, drudging on, pressing against the wind and snow and growing more and more numb. Coming home tonight has been like that first step inside and out of the cold. As my spirit slowly warmed and as I felt it bend towards these people again I realized just how cold I've been.

You know, sometimes numb is easier. Especially when you're outside.

But I'm not anymore. I'm thawing. It's relieving and hopeful and just a bit painful. But did I mention it is hopeful? It is. Because I'm home.