My Best Self.

The day has passed. The sermon has ended.

There's a bit of relief here. For those of you who didn't know, I preached at an afternoon session this Founder's Week. My Text was Genesis 16, about Sarai, Abram and Hagar. For those of you who were there, thank you for your support and encouraging words. They blessed me. For those of you who were not but were fervent in prayer on my behalf, thank you for lifting me up. I felt those prayers deeply.

I want to acknowledge this preaching day that has now passed, and yet I'm not quite sure how to do so. It feels arrogant, like I'm bragging or flaunting. But tucked inside me is profound excitement, an innocent joy I think. And I want to share it. But I don't know how. So, bear with me? I'm going to try…

God did something on Thursday. Something I requested, but something, in my lack of faith, I wasn't expecting. I preached and everything seemed to be going fine. I wasn't nervous at all, by His grace. When I began to speak, something was different. I had "practiced" this sermon probably over 20 times. But when it came to preach it, there was a markable difference. The sermon, which had been written on papers and formed in manuscripts, pressed off my lips because it was written within me. Yes, that is what the difference was. No longer was there pressure to "get it right", to match the manuscript, because there it was. Within me. Written on my heart, pressed between the pages of my life.

I preached words from the Lord, formed within me during the journey of life over the last few months. Yes, all those applications are my life. They are me. They are what God has been asking me to trust Him with. This sermon … well, it's my story with Jesus.

When the sermon ended, I sat down and was grateful. Dr. Koessler leaned over and said, "That was fabulous. That should have been in Torrey Gray". What an honor. There was a long line of people telling me how much they loved it, how wonderful I was, and asking me when I'm speaking next. I received them all, and offered them up to the Lord as His own. Like the bouquet of flowers offered to a dancer after a recital really belongs to the instructor, it was He who wrote it, directed it, taught it, sat with me through long nights of learning it. But there was one statement that I offer to Him as a great treasure. One of my dear friends, Amy, who has walked through the last few months of trial with me, who has seen me crying about not wanting to wait on God, who has prayed with me as I've gone to bed feeling spiritually attacked, and who had never seen me preach said, "Ame, you just did exactly what God has created you to do. That is your best self because that was your real self, preaching."

Lord, you know what a treasure this is. Receive it as an offering of thanks.

At the end of the day, I come away thankful God used me, thankful God's people were fed, thankful I didn't trip on the stage. But mostly I'm thankful for the reminder that this is what I'm created to do. To preach is to live into who He created me to be, it is to be my most real self. And I'm grateful.