Words I Don't Know How to Use.

My last week of classes at Moody has come to an end. It's strange, you know? I've sat in these desks, under these professors, with these classmates for four years. And somewhat suddenly, that's all over. It's strange indeed.

My last day of classes came as somewhat of a shock to me. I wasn't really ready for it. I woke up, did my quiet time, went to class, chapel and class again, met a friend for lunch and onto another class and then realized… I was sitting in my last class with Dr. Neely. No, I was sitting in my last Moody class. Ever.

There's something about putting that down in writing that feels immature. You know, like I'm sentimentalizing everything I remember. Perhaps I am. But there's something to this, I'm sure as well. This is the place where I have lived, learned, grown, studied, ate, related, taught, led, suffered, struggled for four years. These few blocks in the center of Chicago hold some of the greatest memories I could possibly imagine cherishing. I've studied all night, cried over brokenness, and laughed till I peed my pants (yes…seriously).

I'm struggling to put words to this tonight. Probably because I've had to put lots of words to things like rules and move-out policies and fines and exams and final papers … and I just might be out of words. Or maybe there are words, but I just don't know how to use them. It's like they're stuck on the lump in my throat and won't come up anymore.

One word I'm certain of, though, is "sad". I'm sad to be leaving. I'm sad that it's ending because it has all been so so good.

Another word is "afraid". I'm afraid to be an adult. I'm afraid I'll be bad at being an adult and I'm afraid that I'll be lonely.

One more word is "excited". Yes, excited. There's a lot coming down the pike and a lot of it seems like it's going to be really good.

I guess these words are the reason they made words like "growing up".