He's Too Big for Me.

Tonight the floor is quiet. Everyone has gone home, but my one over-worked junior at the end of the hall. I'm alone in my room, and tired. The week past has been full of exams and checking girls' rooms to ensure they have not allowed mold to overtake the space. Most haven't.

In the still of tonight, I'm at peace. He's here with me. Thank you for praying with me.

He's near like I never knew, like I never expected. My Bible sleeps next to me and my Jesus watches over me, never nodding off or dozing even for a minute. He doesn't mind when I talk in my sleep either. I think for a while now I've viewed God as sitting at the foot of my bed, much like my dad would do when we were little kids and had a nightmare. My dad would wait in my room with me until I fell asleep, acting as my guardian through my time of fear, and then somehow being gone in the morning. When light was there, I didn't need him anyway.

But that's not our God.

He's a mighty God. The Savior and Master of all in existence - seen and unseen, the spiritual and material, the believed and that which we often choose not to believe in. He's their master, too; the spirits of fear and darkness and depression. They will bow to Him, too. One day, every knee. Every tongue.

This summer, I think I can fairly say I abandoned my systematics of faith. I was awakened to the relational aspects of God, to His love and fatherliness and mercy and compassion. I don't regret or recant this in the least. But I will acknowledge it is not complete. Our God is also a God of anger and fury and jealousy. He is angry with the oppressor. He is infuriated with the deceiver. He is jealous for me.

Our God is much bigger than systematics, I must say. This God scares me a bit, if I'm honest. He's too big for me to conceive of or understand or teach or describe. I can't imagine how I am to imitate Him, to live like this God; how I am supposed to have His image in me. What would this greatness look like in flesh? How would we put vernacular to the Deity? What vocabulary would we employ to do His glory justice? I guess it makes sense why Jesus is called "The Word".