Why Me?

This afternoon has passed slowly, quietly. Sweetly.

I woke up, rearranged and cleaned my room. Then I went Christmas "shopping" (if looking counts). It's raining outside. I'm inside now. It's cold. I have hot coffee.

So, why me?

There are children sitting in the cold, on the dirt floor, in a room smaller than our bathrooms. They sleep in spaces smaller than our storage for things we don't need. They haven't eaten today. They won't. Maybe not tomorrow either. Only God knows. Only God knows why.

So, why me?

Why do I lay down to sleep, only fearing the nightmares in my head? My nightmares are their reality. Why am I here? Why do I stay? Because I am comfortable. That's why. That's too bad.

Caleb, my three year old brother, is in the emergency room right now. He drank part of a bottle of Benadryl. We think he'll be fine. We'll see, I guess. Caleb reminds me that life is fleeting. If I knew this would take him, I would give anything to reverse roles. Anything. So, why won't I give this up for those dying now? They're brothers, too. Sisters. Daughters and sons. Grandfathers. Grandmothers.

Why me?